Rosemary’s Gone Wild!

For all of us obsessive Rosemary’s Baby fans, especially those who remember the most obscure and incidental details of the film, it seems that both Luther and Nobody Loves An Albatross were ACTUAL Broadway productions — though, disappointingly, no Guy Woodhouse shows up in the production rosters (and, yes, I’m being facetious). But, true to the movie dialogue, Albert Finney did indeed have a starring role in Luther. Though, according to IBDB, Finney had no understudy, which could mean that the site doesn’t have that information or he really didn’t have an understudy. I’m not sure why I even doubted the authenticity of these plays, considering the posters for them in the Woodhouse apartment. Surely, the possibility of them being forgeries was there, and I wasn’t alive to actually remember such productions, but lo and behold, they’re quite real. Now, if I could just get to the bottom of this tannis root thing. “All Of Them Witches” as well (and I mean the purported book, not the movie that came years later).

Also, having somewhat to do with fitting the “movies” category here (though, absolutely nothing to do with Rosemary, or her awesomely quirky neighbors), I came up with an idea for a documentary I’ll probably not get around to producing. But, it’s a reasonably solid and relatively controversial idea and, if you’ve got the talent and the means, jump on it. What is it? Well…

I was spending time with friends all this weekend, and I relayed this doc idea to at least one of them outside one of the local watering holes, a doc that would springboard off the highly-popular Girls Gone Wild series of videos, and maybe even follow some of that money as well. Now, here’s the premise… it’s a safe bet that an obscene number of the college bims in these vids are fairly snockered or under the influence of some other allure, like desperately wanting their 15 minutes of fame to quell some lack of confidence or identity. Hell, some of them might just be plain old stupid. And let’s not forget the still-circulating cool cred attached to girls making out with other girls in bar scenes all over the U.S. of A. (Isn’t Middle America bored with this… YET?!) But, add enough Vodka and Red Bulls into the mix, and, BOOM, you’ve got instant bi-curiosity on tap. (I wouldn’t even be surprised if the GGW crew and Smirnoff have a bit of an under-the-table deal in all of this, either.) Regardless, when Spring Break is over, these young ladies return to their studies or their job at the DQ or whatever but, at the end of it, they go back to normal life, or at least suspecting that all will be normal. Of course, what happens in Fort Lauderdale doesn’t necessarily stay there… it now goes to a replication house, pressed onto millions of DVDs, and shipped worldwide to frat boys and horny businessmen of all stripes. Then, the REAL exposure begins…

Basically, that small town girl becomes grist for the gossip mill, rumors fly, attitudes change, family in turmoil, harassment begins, sexually pushy men approach, jobs lost, scholarships out the window, community up in arms… all because little Kaitlyn or Ashley had a few too many Fuzzy Navels and wound up in girl-on-girl-on-dildo action in a motel room with cameraguys shooting the whole to-do. (If you haven’t seen GGW — and it’s all over the Internet — it’s a whole lot more than just boob flashing, I can assure you.) Whether Schadenfreude or pathos, THAT story is the genesis of a documentary I would definitely watch… and so would a lot of YOU. Imagine all of the potential “good video” that could come not only from the poor little gals themselves residing in numerous but not exactly sexually-progressive towns and suburbs, but also from an assortment of angry (or even PROUD) parents, irate church groups, attempts at blackmail (if it hasn’t gotten completely out of the bag at that point), catty female enemies, idiot jock “dudes,” and the list goes on. All it needs is a good title (I’m thinking “Girls Gone Defiled,” but it just doesn’t have enough punch), being at the right moments with cameras on, as well as some decent production, and it’s a go.

The real zinger here is that you KNOW some of these barflies-in-training would definitely sign the release form to be in it — if only to get some more attention (this time, with their shirts on). Masochism never seems to go out of style for some. With that, here might be some of the motives these jaded ladies might cop for being in a doc like this…

•• “I was used, and I don’t want other young girls to be used, so they need to see this. Sign me up!”
•• “This might forward my career in the modeling industry. Let’s do it!”
•• “I’m screwed up, and this might help me get over my issues. Count me in!”
•• “If my family and neighbors see me as the victim I am, they might forgive me. Yeah, I’ll do it!”

(Insert your own equally delusional justification here.)

Then again, I suppose it would depend on the producer’s spin on the concept, and which direction it headed in the editing room. Could be an insightful look into dangerously misspent youth, or simply a downwardly-spiraling freak show. No way for the participants to know for sure until it’s out, really. Though, I’m guessing the Springer crowd would bite the line quite unquestioningly.

Of course, if you use the idea and you neither credit me nor send a bit of a kickback my way, I will come at you with strong litigation. And, whether or not I won, I’d still garner a heap of good publicity along the way. It’s a win/win situation, ladies and gentlemen. At least for me.

MGP

Matt G. Paradise is Executive Director of Purging Talon, a media company responsible for releasing groundbreaking and often imitated audio, video, print, and Web work since 1993, including the internationally respected Satanic magazine, Not Like Most. Paradise is also a Magister in the Church of Satan and, since the early-1990s, has also done media representative work for the CoS through all major media forms — network television, radio, print publications, and the Internet. He is the author of Bearing The Devil’s Mark, a collection of writings on Satanism; as well as editor of The Book of Satanic Quotations (First and Second Editions). He was also producer and co-host of Terror Transmission, a horror movie commentary podcast; and is currently the producer and host of three podcasts (The Accusation Party, Vintage Vinyl Vivisection and Strange Moments in Cultural History) on The Accusation Network.

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