This Week On The Bus

While sitting at the Cherry Street bus stop yesterday, I noticed what appeared to be a new crazy person in town. Not that I keep up with these things, but when you live in such a small city, you tend to notice the newcomers — especially when they’re of a particularly looney sort. And, true to form with many that have come and gone from the Burlington downtown area, this one was as vocal as they come. This disheveled and cart-pushing hobo took time out of his aimless wandering to berate a political ad on the side of one of the buses. And by berate, I mean he really let the picture of the candidate have it! All of the best cuss words were present, and a few I thought died off a few decades ago. And this went on for a good 60 seconds, and at the top of his lungs, too. Maybe he didn’t find the humor in someone running for political office by the name of Ted Kenney. (Think I’m kidding about the name? Click here.)

One people type that’s fun to spot is the celebrity lookalike, even if you have to stretch the association a little. Occasionally, I catch a glimpse of what could easily be construed as a slightly older but certainly anorexic version of Flavor Flav (sans bling). He was on the bus the other day, and it’s hard for me to not wonder where the big clock necklace is, or if I walked up behind him and said, “Five-O said…” would he yell, “FREEZE!” Okay, so I can sense a few of you pulling away from me here, so I’ll move on…

Sitting across from me about two days back was a couple, both of a nationalistic distinction I like to call “something Eastern European.” The male half of the couple was fairly unremarkable, but his gal pal was a real hoot. She had this insane laughing fit that lasted (at least) 30 minutes straight. It was somewhere between a maniacal cartoon character’s laugh and a small child uncontrollably sobbing. And it just… wouldn’t… stop. Nothing — and I mean nothing — is THAT funny. (Well, okay, maybe the tard couple who always wear pith helmets on the bus gets pretty close, but still…) Remember Michael Douglas in “Falling Down?” It was at that moment that I found myself half-jokingly sympathizing with that guy. Or as Bill M. would say: “AIN’T RIGHT!”

Yesterday, we passengers got quite the bus driver. We were passing through the north side of Winooski’s new circular rotary (what some are calling a “roundabout“), and the driver kept spacing out over what point to exit the rotary from. So, we went through it either four or five times! All I could think on each and every pass (and here comes another movie reference….) was “Look, Kids! Parliament! Big Ben!” This is the giddiness I feel on the bus ride home while thinking that my boss might actually go through with my incredible idea to paint my office purple. And, no, I’m not kidding.

That’s all for now.


Matt G. Paradise is Executive Director of Purging Talon, a media company responsible for releasing groundbreaking and often imitated audio, video, print, and Web work since 1993, including the internationally respected Satanic magazine, Not Like Most. Paradise is also a Magister in the Church of Satan and, since the early-1990s, has also done media representative work for the CoS through all major media forms — network television, radio, print publications, and the Internet. He is the author of Bearing The Devil’s Mark, a collection of writings on Satanism; as well as editor of The Book of Satanic Quotations (First and Second Editions). He was also producer and co-host of Terror Transmission, a horror movie commentary podcast; and is currently the producer and host of three podcasts (The Accusation Party, Vintage Vinyl Vivisection and Strange Moments in Cultural History) on The Accusation Network.

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