Like A Ferris Wheel Full of Gay Scubadivers

from the website:

There is a huge population of people trying to make themselves look like gangsters and thugs while talking in fabricated words and taking shirtless pictures of themselves in their bathrooms with camera phones. Fat 19-year-old’s with half a dozen children that they dress up like dolls keep trying to talk to me as if I think they are human beings. I’ve decided to go undercover and infiltrate their community by acting as one of their own. Here are the results of my experiment…

A sample…

Me: GURL U’S FIIINE. I STAY OVA ON MURGGLE STREET BY JENSON’S. SO WUT U INTO? WE SHULD GET 2GETHA SUM TIME AND KICK IT.

Her: fasho lyk i stay by the colliseum on 4OTH PLACE BT WE CAN KICC IT DIS FRI/SAT? ITS UP TOO YU JUST DROP YA NUM OR ILL GIVE YU MINE BABY

Me: word. we shuld head down 2 smooodle strett ova by the purplenurple and get us sum tenderbuggs. u eva had dat shyt? a sexxi thing lyke u should antoo.

Her: NO IVE NEVER HAD ONE :}….. SO WHEN ? LOL YU HAVE A CAR ?

Me: I take great joy in the fact that our speaking in broken English does not distract from our lust for using made up words and fictional names for places that don’t exist. And to answer your question… nah i dont guts no car, but i can gets one any time. we shuld hook up an get some skunkertoofs this weekend den chill at mah plce ova on murggle streat. Imma treat u rite all night long.

Her: LOL THAT SOUNDS GOOD WITH ME PAPI

Me: The human race is doomed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… HollaDaddy.com! (Thank you, Sam!)

MGP

Matt G. Paradise is Executive Director of Purging Talon, a media company responsible for releasing groundbreaking and often imitated audio, video, print, and Web work since 1993, including the internationally respected Satanic magazine, Not Like Most. Paradise is also a Magister in the Church of Satan and, since the early-1990s, has also done media representative work for the CoS through all major media forms — network television, radio, print publications, and the Internet. He is the author of Bearing The Devil’s Mark, a collection of writings on Satanism; as well as editor of The Book of Satanic Quotations (First and Second Editions). He was also producer and co-host of Terror Transmission, a horror movie commentary podcast; and is currently the producer and host of three podcasts (The Accusation Party, Vintage Vinyl Vivisection and Strange Moments in Cultural History) on The Accusation Network.

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