Review: Reform School Girls
If I’m ever to engage in viewing trashy cinema, I like to think I have some standards. In a world that seems to be handing itself over to those least worthy of life, it’s good to establish and maintain some highly placed expectations reflective of a discriminating mind. That is to say that I like gratuitous female nudity, some torture, a little bit of captivity, a heap of exploitation, and a smattering of senseless violence. These days, it’s tough to find all of those wrapped up in a perfect movie, so you have to go back a bit. Say, to 1986?
Yes, 1986! The very year that gave us the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion and gave me freedom from the virtual prison that was high school also gave us Reform School Girls. And I am a better man for it.
Our grand excuse for T&A begins with Jenny (played by Linda Carol, who was either 15 or 16 when she disrobed and feigned sex for this one) getting caught by the law for her inadvertent participation in a crime. Since she’s young and naughty (and hot), she must be sentenced to slutty teen girl prison. Though the movie calls it a reformatory, we know what it really is. In the words of Adrian Zmed: “Start yer boners.”
We meet other incorrigibles in this women-in-prison send-up as well. Jenny befriends Lisa, a scared, shy little runaway whose later defilement is either shocking or sexy, pick your kink. Both girls are trying to stay out of the way of Edna (played by the late Pat Ast), the prison matron, who has a taste for “new fish” as well as kitty stomping. Other not-very-nice people include Charlie (Wendy O. Williams, also no longer with us), the leader of a secret girl gang behind the iron, looking for action any way they can get it. (For my fellow Friday The 13th fanatics, both of Charlie’s hench-hotties are played by actresses found in the fifth and sixth installments of the FT13 franchise.) And, of course, how could you have a movie like this without Sybil Danning as the warden? You can’t, so she’s in there, too.
It’s got plenty of naked flesh, potty mouth, fisticuffs, forced branding, steamy showers, accidental death, a burning teddy bear, one bad ass riot, music mostly by Wendy O (with the end credits song actually being a KISS-penned track previously unreleased)… oh, and a fire hose. Guess where it goes?
I could not recommend this utterly deplorable, anti-social and sleazy slab of cinematic filth enough.