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They All Lie And Cheat – Chris Holmes

When I was 16, one of my favorite metal albums was the 1984 self-titled debut release from W.A.S.P. I listened to a lot of questionable metal classics, but this album always had that cheap rebellious shine on it, even years later. When I saw them live the following year, all of the delightfully cheesy stage gimmicks I could have ever wanted were there: the fake blood, the flying raw meat, the “tormentor” rack, and, for the ladies, there was that ever-discussed saw blade codpiece worn by bassist/vocalist Blackie Lawless. Here’s what the teenage MGP totally banged his head to in those glory days…

Sure, Blackie fronted the band, but the real horror show was their guitarist, Chris Holmes.

It’s probably fair to assume that Holmes probably didn’t have the greatest life, despite being famous and, at one time, probably okay with money. In 1988, The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years came out, and Chris was front, center, and shitfaced in his pool while his mother watched. All you could think was “poor, poor Mom.” Here’s Chris from that poolside chat…

And now, many, many lifetimes later, Mr. Holmes looks pretty beaten. The following is what appears to be his latest “solo” track and it’s about as cheapjack as you get. The unused green screen is the first of many bad omens, but that busted meth mama takes the cake. Just imagine the gals who DIDN’T make the cut. Sheesh! And are those his real teeth? In any case, I’m reminded that not everyone shakes off unhealthy living as well as Keith Richards or predictably dies like G.G. Allin. Somewhere in the middle lies Chris Holmes. Sad. But anyhoo…

Prepare to cringe!

Thanks, Joel.

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