Pirate Radio – Great indie comedy about ’60s British rock DJs running a pirate radio station on a ship somewhere in the North Sea. Funny, touching, and triumphant. Great performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman, Chris O’Dowd (of IT Crowd fame) and Kenneth Branagh. A lot of fun. Recommended, and a possible buy.

The Collector – The premise was promising: desperate man breaks into house to steal jewel, finds occupants tied up by a serial killer who’s rigged the house with various traps, and now the thief becomes the prey. There are some clever (if not improbable) moments here, but all of the poor-quality Saw worship and passionless plot really bog it down. And, believe me, this “collector” is no Jigsaw — either living or dead version.

Antichrist – More of a surreal psychological tale of man’s (or, perhaps, woman’s) dark side than a strict horror movie, Antichrist follows a couple whose child dies, the couple goes to a cabin in the woods to get away and get themselves together, and then the craziness begins. Aside from showing actual sexual penetration, the pretentiousness of over-the-top shock attempts in general tends to distract, and the plot is somewhat thin. The biggest shock, being that Willem Dafoe is in it. Okay at best.

Deadgirl – Torture, necrophilia, rape, bondage, mutilation, and forced prostitution of the undead? Yes, this movie is all of that, and it wants you to know it, too. Two high school boys stumble upon a naked and restrained woman in the basement of an abandoned building — a woman later discovered to be a de facto zombie. So, they spend a lot of time thinking of mindless ways to violate the poor thing. More sick than scary, and not for everyone.

Choke – How to explain this one… Victor has a mom in a mental ward and is also banging her “doctor.” He also feigns choking in public to gain sympathy and then money to pay Mom’s hospital bill. He’s also a sex addict and attends a 12-step program for such, mostly to have bathroom sex with another addict. Of course, there’s also something else that’s off about Victor, leading to his own secret, which all gets wrapped up along with all of the other plot threads at the end. A little scattered and plodding, but has some moments of interest. Sam Rockwell is still likable in a weird way.

Daybreakers – Another blue-lensed Hollywood horror flick, this one about a plague that’s turned the majority of humans into vampires, and the struggle for survival amidst a dwindling supply of blood. The twist, of sorts, is the development of a blood substitute as well as a painful cure, and the conflict between corporate and personal interests therein. It’s a simple popcorn movie with a very stylized future look to it, so don’t expect anything groundbreaking. Sam Neill’s appearances are probably the best parts of this movie.

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The Box – A complete waste of time. I thought Frank Langella would make it at least tolerable, but the lifeless acting from everyone else and a plot that goes from promising to dull to unbelievably stupid very quickly relegates this one to the bargain bin no one wants to go near. Whoever wrote this script should be shot. No, actually start with Cameron Diaz first.

Black Dynamite – Send-up to ’70s blaxploitation flicks starts out being quite entertaining and fun, but soon enough takes a completely sharp turn into pretentious self-awareness. This might just be the jumping-the-shark of the retro-parody film trend. Say goodnight, Foxy.

Transsiberian – Decent if not slightly unoriginal thriller plot of an American couple slowly pulled into murder and intrigue after they meet another, albeit suspicious couple on a train through Russia. Enjoyed watching these “babes in the woods” get taken further and further out of their comfort zones and into unsafe territory, especially the rather convincing Harrelson in the unexpected role of the naive and hapless hubby. The ending was only mildly satisfying, but getting there was rather fun. A strong rent.

Sorority Row – Did I just watch another horror remake? Yeah, I did. Hard to say that this was an improvement on the original, considering that The House on Sorority Row (1983) isn’t exactly astounding itself. But, there are a couple of interesting turns on this slightly changed plot and it has a better ending. The beginning is painful, but it gains some ground later on. In short, it’s okay as a rent, but don’t expect a lot. And I certainly can’t be the only delinquent who gets a giggle when a sorority has “Pi” in its name. I’ll drink to that!

Where The Wild Things Are (2009) – Absolutely LOVED it! A true testament to outsider youth (in this case, pre-teen), the strength of being that outsider, and reveling in it. Seems like a children’s movie on the surface, but it’s a bit rough for the under-7 crowd. And certainly more than just a parade of life-sized puppets for the cheap amusement of the Disney crowd. It’s got a very real psychological heart to it, and sometimes that heart is a tad black. I might just buy it.

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Radio Free Satan certainly has a few metal shows. In fact, so many eons ago, even I did a metal show on RFS, which a few of you might remember or, more cheekily, have “memories” of. At any rate, there are more than a couple of shows that wave the headbanger flag on said station and that might be a good thing, depending upon your proclivities. So, what’s a program to do if it plays the heavy stuff and wants to stand out from the rest?

Well, grab a Brit (Dave Ingram, ex-Benediction and ex-Bolt Thrower vocalist) and a Yank (some guy named Donovan Spenceley), throw them in a room together, and let them have free rein to offer live commentary over a stack of metal and near-metal offerings. Oh, yeah, and beer. Don’t forget beer. And you could even call it Metal Breakfast Radio (which would be convenient, considering that’s the show name.) Much of the music they comment on is actually submitted to their show by the respective bands, a truly brave lot to have their tracks publicly dissected and, often enough, “exterminated.” And don’t forget the pop culture sound samples rapidly interjecting throughout. Because they are definitely there.

Some say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I stuff my face full of Lucky Charms in the morning, so what do I know? What I DO know is that Metal Breakfast Radio is hosted by two blokes who know their metal and frequently have some spot-on cheers and jeers for the acts that dare to stretch out their necks upon the virtual chopping block. Fans of the genre should crack open a cold one, give MBR a spin, and see if it sticks.

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The Other – There’s something a wee bit odd about the Perry twins. Seems that Niles and Holland have a rather strange connection, one that runs far deeper and more sinister than one would imagine. Perfectly crafted ’70s “creepy kids” flick taking place on a Connecticut farm in the 1930s, a plot of land rife with unexplained accidents. What’s wrong with those damn kiddies, you might ask? Well, watch the movie and find out!

The Stepfather – How I missed this one back in the ’80s is beyond me. A tight little thriller whose age holds up rather well almost 25 years later. Our titular lead character, Jerry Blake (played by the highly underrated and very creepy Terry O’Quinn) likes to have an orderly family, even if he has to “correct” them, as that old Grady guy in The Shining said. Oh, and Jason was once more spot on. I am now a faithful convert to the glorious glisteningly nude perfection that is Jill Schoelen. If I was a Muslim, I would definitely want 72 of her to have when I die. Since I’m not, I’ll take one right now.

The Final Destination – As far as this Hollywood teen horror romp of a franchise goes, the least worst one is the third. Since this is the fourth installment, you can imagine that it didn’t go as well. More specifically, it’s a tired melange of revisited plot devices from the others, with even more vapid characters and a truly unsatisfying end. Oh, and the special effects are atrocious. At least the third one had that marvelous death-by-tanning-bed sequence. Maybe that’s what made number three tolerable?

Saw VI – Speaking of pilfering from itself to exhaustive ends, this latest chapter in the Jigsaw saga, while having some interesting moments, is otherwise a series of murder set pieces and some storyline tie-ups to connect it to the other five movies. Truth be known, I really love Jigsaw as a character, but the last three scripts haven’t really utilized him to his full potential. And the Detective Hoffman story arc? Still showing itself to be a mistake. This isn’t the worst of the six, but it’s really up there.

The House of the Devil – Talked about this one a bit on the podcast, but I’ll try to encapsulate it again for the kids who say they tune in but really don’t: As an obvious homage to early ’80s low-budget slashers, we have the co-ed stuck in a creepy house who finds out its horrible secret and becomes victim to it towards the end. Visually appealing in the retro sense, but falls flat on its anemic plot and the reveal sequence really seems tacked on and clumsy.

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The Butcher – Over-hyped Korean torture film that’s trying way too hard to shock and gross out — so much so that it becomes a laughable mess. It also desperately pilfers tropes from a bunch of gore pictures, also to no real ends. I would be embarrassed to even have my name associated with this inept production.

Trick ‘r Treat – You know what? I really liked it. Certainly, most horror anthology films aren’t exactly brilliant and, mostly, neither is this one. But, it’s fun and spooky and could end up getting pulled out every so many Halloweens for future viewing. And who doesn’t have lurid fantasies of Anna Paquin dressed as Little Red Riding Hood? A solid rent, possibly a buy. (Also, not to be confused with Trick or Treat, the 1986 heavy metal horror masterpiece. See that one, too, by the way.)

Murder Loves Killers Too – A highly unoriginal premise (teens stay in cabin, run into killer, get picked off one by one), but the killer in this one is so darn charming and quirky and occasionally funny that he carries things along to an entertaining end. Some will enjoy the rental.

Night of the Creeps – I’ve got good news and bad news for you, readers. The good news is that this classic ’80s sci-fi/horror flick got a new DVD release. The bad news? Well, there isn’t any! But, prepare to bow to the mesmerizing machismo of Tom Atkins as he investigates zombie-creating alien slugs making a mess of his town. Oh, yes. It is indeed Miller time! First rent, then BUY!

The Hills Run Red – The plot is clever in parts, hackneyed in others. And the acting, often enough, is fairly wooden and phoned-in. Barring that, it’s an acceptable slasher-in-the-woods movie for a casual renting. William Sadler’s in it, and that’s probably the best part of the picture. Other than that, nothing particularly amazing here.

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Surveillance – A crime thriller directed by Jennifer Lynch, daughter of David Lynch. I mention that because her father’s influence is there, but the former very much makes a movie that’s also her own (with a bit of a Coen Brothers vibe, as well). Differing accounts of an accident given to two FBI agents shed light on a string of murders in New Mexico, providing some plot twists — some predictable, some very much not. Worth watching.

Mum and Dad – We’ve seen the killer family before, from Spider Baby to Texas Chainsaw Massacre to Mother’s Day to Frontiers, etc. This certainly follows some established territory, bringing in the gore but also with some laughs. If you’re not completely tired of this set-up, then you might enjoy this. It has its moments, but not in spades.

Grace – Comparisons to It’s Alive will be made, but it’s fair to say that this bloodthirsty zombie baby is actually rather creepy and the storyline keeps your attention. The premise might sound hokey, but the execution is surprisingly good. Decent gore and well-shot. Check it out.

Book of Blood – Following the not-so-great Midnight Meat Train comes another Clive Barker story that doesn’t successfully translate to the Big Screen — this one, being a haunted house tale with a twist. It’s not utterly horrible but it’s in no way good, either. It feels like a mediocre Masters of Horror episode, if you have that little reference in mind. Will someone please take a Barker tale and make a movie on it that comes even reasonably close to the masterpiece that is Hellraiser? Please? He deserves better than this.

Irreversible – This is viewing number two for this one, just making sure I disliked it as much as the first time. And I did. Characters you don’t care about, a story that plods along (albeit, in reverse), obnoxious camerawork, and an extended rape scene for shock. Big deal. France has given us much better offerings this decade, to be sure. This movie tries too hard and ends up pretentious and empty.

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Donkey Punch – An unfortunately stupid name for a movie because the actual film is not too bad. Seven young people take a nice boat out on the ocean, one of them accidentally dies from titled sexual practice, and then the fun begins. Who turns on whom? Who’s in it for themselves? Who plays hero? Well, see the film and find out.

Shuttle – Two not entirely bright or likable college gals jump an airport shuttle along with a few others and find themselves the hostages of at least one desperate man. Nice plot shifts, opening up to a deeper storyline towards the end. These shuttle passengers are occasionally pretty dumb, but I’ve come to grips with that being the reality of most people. Seriously rent it.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead – Haven’t seen a Troma film yet? Well, if you want a crash course in gratuitous use of nudity, loads of laughs, absurd levels of gore and disgusting stuff, and the occasional musical moment, you should give this one a chance. Director Lloyd Kaufman is one savvy Z-movie Hebrew, and he throws all of the tricks of the trade into this one. Clever character names, sacred cows roasted en masse, and all of the schoolboy humor you’d expect from Troma. Yes, you should see it. Unless you’re chicken or something.

The Tenant – Have an urge to see Roman Polanski in full drag? Well, you will if you see this, the third of his “apartment trilogy” — alongside Repulsion and Rosemary’s Baby. A seemingly timid man moves into an apartment in which the previous tenant purportedly killed herself. Mania, hallucinations, role playing, and paranoia set in and it’s all a barrel of good times from there. Highly recommended.

The Last House On The Left (2009) – A band of fun-loving miscreants rape one girl and kill another, all to find themselves seeking shelter in the home of the violated female’s parents. Remake of the Wes Craven film, but makes the mistake of having the raped girl live, changing the entire point of the movie. Some jarring moments here and there (including the obvious one), but with a somewhat silly final scene. Still, worth a casual viewing as a standard popcorn flick.

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Throughout human mythology, the Devil, in all of his guises, has possessed (pun intended) an immense sense of humor. Through such manifestations as Loki and Coyote, the capacity for tricks and laughter has been keenly aligned with the Satanic for millennia. In stark contrast, the fictionalized character of Jehovah is far too busy smacking humanity on the wrists at every possible turn for being themselves to have even a smidgen of humor inside of him. Simply stated, the Biblical god is no fun.

Church of Satan Reverend Bill M. knows these facts as well. He also knows that there is a wealth of comedy and novelty music that has a whole lot more to do with the Satanic philosophy than most purportedly upstanding citizens would like to discover or admit. Gathering up the best bits from all of the clown princes of Hell, a show of hilariously diabolical proportions is born. And its name is The Devil’s Mischief.

True to its moniker, TDM keeps it carnal in all matters funny. From thoughtfully sinister routines by such greats as George Carlin, Doug Stanhope, Lewis Black, David Cross and numerous others all the way to classic and sometimes forgotten gems of yesteryear including those of Groucho Marx, Bob Newhart, Spike Jones, Weird Al, Steve Martin and more. And Bill certainly makes sure that content is varied, almost never repeating the same clips twice — except perhaps for his occasional themed episodes, which have included such brilliant motifs as the Gay Eskimo episode, the Anti-Valentine’s specials, the Best of Blasphemy, and those darned Banana shows. Ring-ring-ring, indeed.

Making regular appearances on the roster of Radio Free Satan for many years now, you can certainly listen to the show from their site, or download it from there or from TDM’s iTunes page — though, in the last instance, only the most recent episode appears on iTunes due to RFS’s primitive use of RSS, so download it from there quickly before the following week comes, if that’s your choice. But, you should definitely tune in. It could mean your immortal soul… or missing out on some really funny jokes. You decide.

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Despite the flow — yea, overflow — of information provided by the Internet, many cultures are still slow to shake off the vestiges of the political correctness which ran amok in the 1990s. And that decade’s coddling and oversensitivity of its children have brought us a generation mired in what the late, great George Carlin would likely call the “pussification” of the masses. If you care, it’s mighty sad. But, if you don’t, then it’s boot party time upon all of the sacred social cows out there, and few take upon that awesome task better than the crew of Hate Speech Radio.

Even the very name brings forth the knee-jerk cringe from those trying way too hard not to offend someone, anyone, EVERYONE! It’s funny how a mere pairing of words can bring out the self-righteous indignation in less than intelligent sheep. Really funny. Hilarious, even. In fact, I’m willing to bet that HSR is banking on that very fact and I hope their coffers fill to the brim with profits from the unwitting press their name, and their content, gets them.

Yes, content. Surely, the show can’t be a merely provocative moniker. And it isn’t. Show hosts David Harris, Heather Height, Mersh, and that Jewish kid bring you the irreverent funny every Sunday at 6p on BPS Radio and Lose The Radio, as well as right to your podcatcher through iTunes. Issues abound, including those of race, politics, social taboos, general stupidity in the culture, and, like many podcasts, you get to know the hosts very well. Were I to invoke a Partridge Family comparison, I’d say to think of Dave as Danny, Heather as the Mom, Mersh as Keith, and Evan… well, how about… Reuben? Are you a little too young for this reference? Well, you do have an Internet in front of you, now don’t you? Get to it, youngins!

And get yourself an earful of Hate Speech Radio. A dysfunctional, caustic, offensive, and completely FUN earful. Three cheers for hate!

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Friday The 13th (2009) – Having unfortunately seen it in the theaters, I later rented it to see if it really was as bad as I remembered. And it is. Terribly structured script for any genre, but especially horror. Derek Mears as Jason was rather impressive, but he’s stuck in a dud storyline that’s full of logical holes, lame characters, bad acting, and a predictable ending. Director Marcus Nispel comes from a music video background and it shows, lacking the insight and appreciation necessary to have effectively tackled this almost doomed to failure project.

There Will Be Blood – Usually, I steer clear of westerns, but maybe I’m in the mood to give them half a chance. And P.T. Anderson’s film might have been the motivator. Stellar acting, engrossing plot, a bit gritty, and, yes, there’s a milkshake involved. For once, the hype actually reflects reality.

Blood Diamond – Typically hate DiCaprio on sight, but am willing to give him a pass for this movie. Despite the somewhat corny ending, this one’s got action, oppression, corruption, forced labor, and, of course, some of the shiny stuff. Oh, and Jennifer Connelly, if you still have some leftover fantasies attached to her from the 1980s… like I do. Not as hippie, feel-good, leftist, or preachy as I thought it might be. I liked it, but I wouldn’t marry it. Unless you gave me a ring possessing a rock mined from the slavery of starving laborers. Then, we’ll talk.

[REC] – I know how so many genre fans love this movie, but I’m going to cry blasphemy here and say it: the American remake (“Quarantine”) was BETTER. This version is far too self-aware, overacted, overuse of shaky-cam, and slightly lacking in the dialogue. Its perks, however, include some honestly creepy moments, a wee bit of claustrophobia in the shots, and an overall good premise. See it first with expectations set to low, then check out the remake.

The Haunting In Connecticut – If jump scares were pussy, then this film is a coked-up Tijuana hooker on a Friday night during shore leave. Yes, yes, I get it. You want me to be shocked every 3 minutes, but it gets old after the first five or six attempts. This movie tries way too hard to be startling, and takes a lot of cliches down with it. Some of the acting was okay, though. But, the question remains: Why not just LEAVE THE HOUSE?!

Martyrs – A revenge tale with some odd twists, easing you first into the story and then sledgehammering you with the main conflict. Torture, blood, death, rinse, repeat. Another notch in the belt of French gore, with the last 20 minutes or so being a point of contention with genre fans. Definitely see it.

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