Archive for the 'I'm A Travelin' Man' Category
MGP on Hate Speech Radio – 8/9/09
Above is what happens to a birthday cake when a drunk and completely naked radio stuntgirl sits on it. Honestly… a pretty sweet tasting cake.
Anyhoo… the Hate Speech Radio episode celebrating the dual birthdays of HSR host, David Harris and not-HSR host, Yours Truly has FINALLY been posted to the Hate Speech Radio podcast page (part one | part two) and also available at their iTunes page. Enjoy the mad, inebriated menagerie of debauched revelers as they do things to a poor, helpless girl that will make you either squirm or sit up and take notice. Here, you will learn that I have a “soft tongue,” that I look “sexy” licking frosting off a naked gal while dressed in my usual tie/vest/pocketwatch ensemble, and that most women will mercilessly cheat at any game/scenario in which their nudity might be an outcome.
Thanks again to Dave and Heather for having me on their show. Oh, yeah, and Evan, too. Thankfully, HE didn’t sit on the cake.
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The Lord of Coke and Hot Dogs Is DEAD!
Well, it appears that the worst has happened. The mighty Lord of Coke and Hot Dogs, previously rumored to be having a mere makeover, has been completely transmogrified into a lowly shill for antiques! Gone are His emblematic red and white colors, His sturdy cup and His rigid wiener, and even His crown of paper has been revoked. From a June 2009 entry on the Roadside America website:
The Iberville Muffler Man has gotten a makeover. He no longer holds the Coke & hot dog and he wears a ballcap instead of a cook’s paper hat. He now promotes the antiques place which has replaced the restaurant behind him. To be technical, he is at: 625 Rte 133, Ste-Anne-de-Sabrevois, QC. [Debra Jane Seltzer, 06/18/2009]
It is a sad day for all who partook of his nourishment. We remember fondly all of the tasty dogs, the goofy pictures, the impromptu songs, and, of course, His foreboding adieu to those exiting His presence: “The Lord of Coke and Hot Dogs bids you farewell… but I will HAUNT YOUR DREAMS!” Indeed, you will, big fella. Indeed, you will.
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NYC Birthday Trip Rundown
It had been seven years since I’d visited New York City — Halloween 2002, to be precise. It was an amazing visit, full of all sorts of good stuff. So, when I was mulling over where to celebrate my birthday this year, it seemed the obvious choice. Also obvious because I have a good number of friends in the area and it’d been awhile since I’d last seen them as well, in any location. Plus, who doesn’t love a trip to the Big Apple? They’ve got 3G cell service, for cryin’ out loud!
Went JetBlue this time, which was the rational choice. To this day, it boggles the mind how Burlington Vermont managed to become a JetBlue city, but I’m glad it is. And they really are my favorite airlines at this point: cheap, clean, the A/C works (and is actually visible to the naked eye — like cascading plumes of dry ice! — very creepy, very awesome, and probably Dio-approved), the seats are comfortable and well-spaced from each other, and it’s just a better flying experience than that of a lot of the veteran commercial air transports. I’ve been let down considerably these days by the more established airlines, especially Delta and Continental, but JetBlue always comes through. End commercial here.
The three nights of interest are…
Friday: Magister Harris, his fiancee, and I took a drive over to Philadelphia to attend the Germophilia event sponsored by Kevin Slaughter’s Underworld Amusements. (See Rev. Slaughter’s Flickr set of the event; also see Facebook albums of same from UA and Stephanie Crabe.) Already friends with virtually all of the featured artists, it was more of a reunion to me than an art showing, though there were some choice bits of the latter to check out, especially Magus Gilmore’s older collage work and the “big and shiny” photos by Miss Crabe. Germ Books was a decent store with some good reads, though for some odd reason, no Purging Talon books to be found. A mere oversight, I’m sure.
After the event, some of us went to a nearby pub/restaurant and had some great food and local brews. Finally met Adel Souto after however many years (a decade-plus, to be sure) of mutual familiarity with each other’s work and some ancient correspondence. I also got to hear lots of great stuff about P&P’s newly purchased Victorian house, which I look forward to visiting once the black paint dries. I found that from my admittedly limited exposure, I liked what I saw of Philly. If the town were a woman… yeah, I’d do her.
Saturday: David, Heather and I went to Manhattan and tooled around on foot for a bit. Took a stroll into the Apple Store on 5th Avenue, which was pretty much my first planned stop. If you haven’t seen it, it is spectacular: a giant glass cube containing a single glass staircase spiraling down into the actual underground store. Strike that. The insanely crowded underground store! I estimated at least 400 people inside on the early-afternoon I decided to visit. It was mobbed. I did manage to get a new red and shiny cover for my iPhone, and I seemed to have noticed at least one of my friends seriously eyeing a Mac for future purchase. Switchers — even potential ones — are such adorable creatures.
After the Apple Store, we wandered about Greenwich Village and checked out the funky shops and the people TV. Dave bought me a vinyl copy of the soundtrack for A Clockwork Orange from a street vendor, and I found that, like many moments of mobility in both NY and PA, the Google Maps/GPS combo of my iPhone got us to some great places in record time. While walking around, my mother called my cell to wish me an early Happy Birthday. All I could do was shout, “I’m in the Village, Mom, can’t hear you, gotta fly.” Because that’s what it is to be the man on-the-go, man about town, etc.
Then, we had dinner with that Gausten kid as well as P&P at a wonderful (and, yes, undisclosed) restaurant favored by our High Priest and Priestess. Amazing food, good ale, and hours of conversation and laughs. When P&P headed home, the rest of us went to an after-party for the Boyd Rice show. Wasn’t interested in the actual show at all, and neither were the rest of my fellow thrill seekers. Turns out, the party was equally lame and annoying — lots of dimly-lit corners populated with goth kids reverberating to an incessantly droning techno beat. Saw Boyd there but didn’t care. Without being too provocative or wanting to embroil myself in any drama, it’s fair to say that he lost me and a lot of other people years back with his whole Holy Grail legacy schtick. And there really are so many times you can hear Total War without it sounding completely run into the ground. Here ends my public opinion on the matter.
We were at that club for about 10 minutes and then we left once we found Chris X and his beyond gorgeous fiancee. Instead of hanging out with children, the six of us found a great bar that could have easily found a home in 1920s Paris and commenced with birthday champagne, courtesy of X, at midnight. Dave and I are both Aug 9 babies, so it was a double celebration, and we enjoyed the atmosphere and catching up with each other for awhile. Then, it was time to get on the Long Island train and head back for some shuteye. Some of you no doubt caught David and I intermittently Twittering away our experience on the train full of drunk college bimbos and their loud, whiny chatter. My first birthday wish might have involved at least one of them not noticing the gap between the platform and the car, but that is in no way admissible in a court of law. Besides, you can’t arrest someone for wishes.
Sunday: Although it’s possible that you might never hear it in podcast form, if you caught the special double-birthday live show of Hate Speech Radio, you got yourself quite an earful, not to mention eyeful, of debauchery. Yes, there was nudity, whipped cream, nipples, Twister, licking backsides, a bodily abused birthday cake, and other naughtiness befitting of my birthday. I do believe that someone out there might have the photo and even video evidence, but darn if I can’t find it. (Contact me via e-mail if you have info on that.) But, trust me, the episode was a keeper. Unless Dave deleted it or something. Then it’s sadly lost and you can blame him.
Other than that, I got to know Long Island well enough to know that it really is just an island that happens to be very long.
Thanks to my generous hosts, Dave and Heather, as well as all of the folks who helped me kicked off Year 41 in style. Thanks for the miles you traveled, the presents you gave, the stimulating chats, and other means of participation. Hard to imagine how I’ll top this one next year. I might have to blow something up. I kid, I kid.
I posted some pics from the trip to my Flickr account. But I took so very few this time and some will be available to friends only, so keep that in mind.
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1/23/09 – Black House North, Ontario – 10:08 pm
Guy: How about that steak?!
Rosemary: And the cake! How did you eat two pieces?
Guy: Out of politeness. That’s how, out of politeness.
Rosemary: Only three dinner plates that matched, and all that beautiful silver.
Guy: Maybe they’ll will it to us.
Rosemary: Guess what’s in their bathroom?
Guy: A bidet.
Rosemary: “Jokes For The John.”
Guy: No.
Rosemary: A book on a hook right next to the toilet.
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